Suck-ups Earn 15% More!

Boss

While college professors have long informed students they will be professionally rewarded in industry by performing well on their jobs, new research has shown that “sucking-up” to the boss is actually the best way to receive a pay increase. “Yes, this is a groundbreaking study. It reveals that one should not be working overtime but instead kissing ass to their boss,” says Bill Brocks, a high-level manager at Intel Corporation. He continues, “Why am I going to give Jenn a raise? Sure, she works hard, but who cares. Jason is in my fantasy football league AND on my softball team. Now, that’s the kind of stuff I care about. Who cares about this corporate-world bullshit!?”

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