Canine Talks For the First Time in History

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In a recent miracle, Scruffy, a Georgia Bulldog, began speaking last week after being hit by a car. “Apparently the impact of the accident jarred something loose,” said the veterinarian. With everyone expecting beautiful, poetic, and thankful words to come out of Scruffy’s mouth, his words have instead invoked chaos on human-canine relations and his owners’ personal lives.

Here are Scruffy’s recent comments and actions since the accident:

  • Tells his mother Debbie to “shove-it” and that she’s not his “real mom”
  • Tells Tom that Debbie has been cheating on him while at work
  • Wants a monetary cut of the money his “parents” received or studding him out
  • Wants only people food from now on
  • Does NOT want to be forced into having a job just because he can speak.. Tells reporters he plans to stay in retirement
  • Requests to be re-united with his biological family and for his parents to be faced with puppynapping charges.
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